The Divorced Women Glow-Up: She left the marriage and found her light

When I met my husband-to-be, my beauty routine was non-negotiable. Mani-pedi every two weeks. Facials and eyebrow shaping once a month. Hair? Every week, without fail. Basically, I was a walking Sephora subscription.

I kept that up all through the courting phase — because, of course, love makes you glow (and so does $300 worth of salon maintenance). But once we got married? Suddenly my beauty routine was “too expensive.” Waxing, however, remained a sacred ritual… until it wasn’t.

Then came the children. And the overtime. And the cooking, cleaning, school drop-offs, sports, and mysteriously vanishing personal time. Like so many women, I gave it all up. My only purpose? To serve! My needs became an afterthought — I was somewhere between “laundry detergent” and “buy more ketchup” on the to-do list.

I even felt guilty for wanting “me time.” Because apparently, being a wife and mother means you’re supposed to find joy in vacuuming and self-actualization in meal planning.

I remember once asking a dad at my son’s baseball game if his wife was coming. He said, “Oh, she decided to take some time for herself… and clean the house.”

Sir, if that’s her idea of self-care, we need to talk.

The Real Glow-Up

So what is this glow-up people keep talking about? Does it exist?

Oh, absolutely. But I disagree with calling it a “divorce glow-up.” It’s not the divorce that transforms you — it’s the radical act of reconnecting with yourself after years of being everyone else’s 24/7 life concierge.

The to-do list doesn’t disappear, especially if you have kids full-time. But when you finally choose you — after years of sacrificing, compromising, and forgetting what your favorite color even is — something shifts. You glow because you remember who the hell you are.

Do. Not. Stop. Doing. You.

If you’re newly married or years in and this sounds uncomfortably familiar, here’s my unsolicited (but deeply earned) advice:

DO. NOT. STOP. DOING. YOU.

You are a whole person — not just someone’s mom, partner, or schedule keeper. You matter just as much as everyone you love, and if you burn out, no one gets the best version of you anyway.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Self-care is not selfish. It’s not some millennial invention dreamed up by people with essential oil diffusers and no kids. It’s taking concrete steps to keep your mental, physical, and emotional batteries charged.

See your friends.

Join a dance class (I love Latin dancing — bonus: it counts as cardio and therapy).

Go for a walk in nature (preferably in a well-lit area).

Go to the spa — or if that’s not in the budget, lock the bathroom door and take a bubble bath without anyone asking where their hockey jersey is.

It’s Okay to Not Be Perfect

I have a high-stress job, two children that I’m essentially caring for by myself, a house to maintain, a dog, and a car that seems to need tender loving care at exactly the worst possible moments. I strive to do everything I talk about above — seeing friends, dancing, bubble baths, spa days, and all that jazz — but sometimes I need a reminder.

Sometimes I can’t see when or how I can follow my own advice. And you know what? That’s okay. No one asked us to be perfect. What’s important is catching yourself when you slip, laughing at the chaos, and getting back on track — even if it’s just by putting your name on the calendar for a single afternoon of peace.

Because glowing up isn’t about perfection — it’s about persistence. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when life is loud, messy, and unexpectedly demanding.

Put Your Name on the Calendar

I have a giant color-coded calendar in my kitchen. It’s a masterpiece of scheduling chaos: doctors’ appointments, school events, hockey games, sleepovers… every square inch filled.

One day, I looked at it and had a revelation — my name wasn’t on it. Not once. Even post-divorce, I was running on the same default setting: service mode.

So I called my kids into the kitchen and said, “We have a problem. I don’t exist on this calendar.”

And you know what? They got it. Now, every week, they rearrange things so I get one afternoon — sometimes even a whole day — just for myself.

Make sure your name is on the calendar.

Because the glow-up isn’t about wearing makeup or gym memberships.

It’s about remembering that you belong in your own life.

The Glow-Up, Defined

So yes, the glow-up is real — but it’s not powered by divorce papers or revenge diets. It’s powered by finally putting yourself on the damn schedule. These days, my nails might not always be done, but my boundaries are. And that’s the best kind of polish there is.